bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
