I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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