Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
