they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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