I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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