pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
