I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
