i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
this hospital has no fireball
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
