our cab driver is having phone sex.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
