Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
