Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
