he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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