Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
