the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Randomize
