Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Randomize
