I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
