Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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