if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize