i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
