wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
