and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I just found puke in my bra..
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
