she takes plan B like it's going out of style
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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