is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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