i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
