I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
