So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
