We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
