Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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