I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
