dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
