Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
