She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
