im six kinds of drunk right now
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
God I need to hump something, right now.
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