This is not my ceiling
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
