There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
