ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
