Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
