ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
