I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
