i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
