O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
