my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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