dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
