Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
