This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
you didnt know i had herpes?
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After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
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