too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
