i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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