I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
