girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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