How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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