TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
