my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
