This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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