playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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