Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
