arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
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