how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
