I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
