Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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