so explain again why im purple
no
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
