yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
