All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
