never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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