dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
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Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
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Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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