i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
