I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
then he tried to convert me to islam
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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