it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
