Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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