I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
you would pick up someone in the library
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
