Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
