Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
